Perfect
by modernxxmyth
Summary: She was Queen of Degrassi and a Banting Girl. But really, titles like these are just an excuse to pretend that you’re not empty inside. Paigecentric. A little Palex. Spoilers through Free Falling. One shot.


**A/N: **This is very Paige-centric dealing with her obsession with perfection. There's a little Palex at the end, but this is mostly just all about Paige. This is a one-shot. Concrit is appreciated, as well as whatever reviews you give me. I'm just not partial to flames.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Degrassi. I'm not even from Canada.

_**Perfect**_

Paige Michalchuk's life was perfect. Really, it was. It was what people thought of her life that mattered in the end, anyway. Everything was always perfect. Never a problem. Never a fleck of dirt on her perfectly clean and organized life.

It didn't matter what was happening in life. Paige's life had _always_ been perfect. _Really._ After the rape she was perfectly fine. When she broke down, she broke down on her own time. No one needed to know. She was fine. Paige Michalchuk didn't have nightmares. She didn't see him in the crowd when he wasn't there at all. She didn't need counseling. That would show weakness, wouldn't it? Imperfection? No, Paige was fine.

She was perfectly fine at Banting, too. So what if she was failing most of her classes? No one had to know. She'd find a way to work it out in the end. The panic attacks would recede. She was Queen of Degrassi and a Banting Girl. But really, titles like these are just an excuse to pretend that you're not empty inside. It's all about appearances anyway, isn't it?

Paige had always liked to play pretend.

In the eyes of the public, she was fine. And that was all that mattered. Wasn't it?

On the outside, everything was perfect. Organized. Successful. On the inside, what did it matter if she was breaking?

But sometimes, sometimes Paige Michalchuk stopped being okay. Sometimes she could barely breathe, and the world was closing in on her, and it was all she could do to keep surviving. Everything would spin, and she couldn't stop shaking, and her body was tingling. It felt a little bit like she was dying, really. She couldn't tell anyone. She'd already mentioned something to Alex, and that sure as hell had to be a mistake. Because she'd worry that everything wasn't perfect. But it had to be perfect. When things weren't perfect Paige Michalchuk didn't function.

But she couldn't take it. She flunked out of Banting and moved home for her new "scholarship." Everything still appeared flawless, and that was all she could focus on anymore. But inside she was still a mess. On came another panic attack.

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

Panic. Panic sets in.

Anxiety. Her legs shake, arms quake. Tingling sensations.

Shortness of breath. Barely breathing. Fear. Fear is everywhere. She is fear. Dying. She was dying, so it would seem. This would be her death.

This panic, dark, fear.

Because after all, fear is her.

With a heaving chest, Paige gives in and picks up the phone and dials.

"Hello?" Alex voice says.

Paige doesn't speak. Her breathing is strained and she's beginning to sob.

"Paige?" Alex asks.

With shuddering breath, Paige speaks, "H-hi."

Alex's voice is tentative, cautious. "Paige, are you okay?"

"I-I…" she lets out a dry sob, "I can't breathe…and everything's just closing in…and I can't stop shaking…and I just…" she stops talking, trying to control her breathing, grasping at her own throat.

"I'll be right over," Alex says.

It takes Alex less than ten minutes, because thank god, she was in the area. Alex finds her on the couch, dry sobs heaving her body, shaking. "Paige…" she says softly. She sits down next her and wraps her arms around her. She gently rubs her shoulders and whispers comforting words in her ear. "You're going to be okay," she says.

"No. No, I'm not." Paige's head shakes.

"Shh," Alex says softly. "Yes, you are. I'll make sure of it."

And while it's been a while, Paige trusts her anyway. She gives in, leaning into Alex's comforting form, as the residual panic and anxiety slowly leaves her.

Maybe Paige will give up her perfect appearance. Maybe.

But just for now.

* * *

**End Notes: **I really do know what panic attacks are like. I have them myself. They're some of the most scary experiences ever. Anyway. I hope you enjoyed, and if you read this, please, please review! I accept annonymous one's, so come on! 


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